It’s summertime and it’s hot outside, and I’m sure you’re sitting in front of your computer wishing that you could be at the beach. But you can’t be, and that’s ok, cause it turns out the beach isn’t so great after all. Here’s the top 10 reasons to just stay away from the beach this summer:

1. Inappropriately Small Swimsuits

2. Sunburns

3. Sand In Your Suit

4. Other People

5. Crabs

6. Dead Whales

7. The Mankini

8. Perverts

9. Donkeys With Boners Watching You

10. Lady GaGa Might Be Having Sex There

Apparently Lady GaGa has sex on beaches. Probably not on any beach you would be visiting, but why take the chance?